Goodnight Dallas, Good Morning Kenya

As I told my parents today on the phone, today was my best day yet! :) I realize there have only been 2...
What a difference a good night of sleep can do, and having my room start to come together! Today was also the first day I felt up for real conversation and social events--I'm already meeting so many cool new people and I am feeling so energized, excited, and joyful.

Packing and leaving Dallas feels like ages ago--it was very stressful to try to fit my life into 4 checked bags, a carry on and a tote, but my team STILL teased me for bringing the most stuff. I'm not sure why they don't see my down comforter as a "necessity" to life here...haha. Right about now in my brownish, very simple room I am VERY thankful for those cozy reminders of home! I thought you'd enjoy seeing some snapshots of the process. Don't judge me.

THIS

Becomes THIS

And no perhaps it was not a brilliant idea to spend a layover night in London when I had this many bags, but I am so glad I did. It was so wonderful to be in my most favorite destination (the UK, duh) even if only for 24 hours. I walked and walked and walked around London taking it all in, and made the most out of my one day Tube pass. I had posh dinner with a brand new friend, the fabulous Mrs. F, which was exactly what I needed in between two 8 hour plus flights!

When the plane finally took off for Nairobi, I couldn't help but let a few tears escape, and not out of sadness. The act of literally going where I have been sent was a powerful experience. Fast forward about 8 hours, and I was on the ground in on a continent I hadn't been to, in a country I had never visited, in a city I had never seen, in a hemisphere I had never set foot in! The visa line and customs experience was a bit nerve-wracking as I had been told to possibly expect some resistance, but it couldn't have been easier. I even made some new friends in line. When I was getting my bags, I saw something out of the corner of my eye and it was my whole team, waving, jumping and smiling, and it was a grand sight to see. When I finally made it past the baggage inspection (all these clothes are for YOU??? Funny part is, they were...) I was greeted with lots of hugs and escorted to our sweet ride: (as seen in the morning light). Doesn't this just say Kenya to you? :)

Last night was kind of a blur, driving through the city to get to our house. In case you haven't been here, this is a pretty modern city. I had seen pictures, and had certain ideas from the team what to expect, but overall I was surprised how normal it feels to me. Sure it felt different than America, but it wasn't this huge 180 from what I am used to. Of course the city is a bubble of comfort--I look forward to venturing beyond the border of modernity sometime soon for a real Kenyan welcome. 

This weekend was mostly about nesting for me. The house feels like a compound/sorority. It's sprawling, open, and very comfy feeling. It's also kind of chaotic--dishes in the sink waiting for Flora (our house cleaning lady....everyone has one here), hundreds of ants (which are obviously gross, but don't bother me deeply), stuff just randomly stacked everywhere. For a person who normally craves order, it doesn't really phase me, as long as MY room is my neat, organized, decorated haven. :) Soon the wall murals will go up, pillows will be made, and it will really start to feel like home. 

I know you're all wanting some pictures, but I haven't seen a lot beyond our house, the market/mall, church, and the guys' house. I did go to Java House for the first time tonight--it's our chain coffee shop/restaurant with very American yummy food. I had a quesadilla and it was so good. They make killer milkshakes too, Whit! 

This is Lucy, Amanda's puppy. We have another dog named Zoey, too. :)

Amanda's new vegetable garden...I weeded one square!

OK, I know that was long, and kind of disjointed. I promise my brain will become less foggy as the week progresses! I can't wait to talk to y'all soon...if you have a Skype name, email me so we can chat! If you want to call, I'll have my Kenyan cell soon, and my Dad found a .10/min plan that I can forward to you. 

Love to you all from around the globe! PS...Sunday afternoon/evening turn out great. HA. xo

LA to Kenya: An Unexpected Turn in the Life of a Work in Progress, Part IV

Read Parts I, II, and III here. 

I wrote this a couple weeks ago and forgot to post it. Since I leave tomorrow, I’d better get this thing wrapped up! I'm off to pack and pray away this snow that stands in the way of my time with my Zach and Zoey!

As I left off in Part III, the Lord was doing some major housecleaning in my heart. He was breaking down idolatry in my life, and showing me how to be content in my present circumstances. Then my amazing community group through Reality LA did a study on prayer that really helped me to re-learn how to pray and meditate on God’s word. My prayer life went from almost non-existent to a large part of my daily life. I was SO thirsty for the Word as well, spending about 300% more time reading my Bible than I had at any other point in my life. Obviously the Holy Spirit was doing something major in my soul. I was changing so dramatically that it was obvious to friends, family, and even my non-Christian friends. In some ways I felt like a new believer, as if a veil had been lifted and I was seeing with new eyes. Here’s where Part IV comes in...

I want to tell you about how God brought me into his plan for me to move to Kenya. It’s a pretty straightforward story, but one that bears some explanation. The short version is this: out of seemingly nowhere, but during a time of immense Spiritual growth bolstered by a new found prayer life and a lot of time in the Word--God whispered a word directly into my soul: Africa. 

I realize this could sound crazy, especially if you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus. I had a funny experience at a party a few months ago when an old acquaintance pressed me with what exactly had been the decision maker to move to Kenya. As I tried to explain in sort of a broad way that it was God’s desire for me, he pressed for a more practical explanation until finally asking, “But it’s not like God literally just said, move to Africa, right?” Wrong. That is exactly what happened. Though not in an audible out-loud voice, the Holy Spirit spoke to me clearly and simply with one word during a time of prayer. 

At first, I didn’t tell a soul. I wanted to mull it over, because it seemed crazy! I honestly thought that maybe I was just over-zealous during this time of passionate spiritual growth. Perhaps I was over-eager to serve in some dramatic capacity, so I was turning to the age-old classic of International missions. If you know me, even a little, I’m sure you understand that this was the LAST thing I ever expected to do. But if you know Jesus, you also understand that when he speaks, you know it. There was no real doubt in my mind from the first what he said and what he meant. I knew this was no 3 week trip building houses or orphanages, yet I had no idea what it might look like specifically. 

I know God speaks to us in different ways at different points in our life. For me, this kind of direct verbal communication is a rarity. Usually God leads me to a decision over time and I rely more on a feeling of his peace than a specific yes or no to decipher his will. I can only guess why he chose to speak to me so directly and specifically--aside from a direct word from him, would I ever have considered this path? In the past my big decisions--college, where to work, who to date, places to live--have all made sense and fit into a recognizable pattern one after the other. In almost 28 years of life, this is the first time I’ve made a big change in direction that only makes sense through spiritual eyes. I count it an extreme honor to have the experience of a plan 100% chosen by the Lord for his purposes that I never would have stumbled upon on my own. 

Because this story is so long and you’ve already read a LOT, I will skip over the months and months of searching for those specifics that brought me to Camp Blue Sky, Nairobi, and Kenya. Suffice it to say that though God chose to share his major vision for me in one word, it took an immense amount of prayer and work to find out what he wanted me to do, where to go, and how to get there. But every step of the journey has been filled with confirmations that I am where I am supposed to me. Some have been major, miraculous confirmations, others have been so small no one else would notice. There have been some high highs and low lows. I have felt excitement, fear, empowered, utterly incapable, encouraged, dismayed and just about everything in between, but here I am on the cusp of departure. Peaceful. Assured. As weak as any human, but fortified with the Lord’s strength. 

Thanks for reading about my journey--I hope it serves not only as an encouragement of what the Lord can do in any undeserving and unsuspecting individual, but also as a witness that he is at work in mighty ways and invites us to play a part in his story. I can’t wait to see the rest play out! 

Hello (Again) Los Angeles

There’s nothing quite like soaring above the world at 30000ft for reflection. I’m on my way to LA, after an almost 4 month absence--my longest time spent away since I started college there in 2001. This trip, combined with the long time apart, has given me ample reason to reflect on the city and its people and the role it has played in my life the past 10 years. 

The first time I visited LA will always be seared into my memory. I was in 8th grade, and it was the first Spring Break trip I ever took with my family. As a someday hopeful actor, it was the epitome of all trips. I toured the Warner Bros studio (where I saw George Clooney--amidst his early ER fame days), went to a taping of Jay Leno, ate at fancy restaurants, cruised Rodeo, and dreamed about my future life there. 

Fast forward to Aug 2001, when my family dropped me off at USC. Although I wasn’t attending my first (or second, OR third) school, I was thrilled to be living in LA. And thus my relationship with the City of Angels began. LA has meant different things to me over these 9 years, first as my college town, then the scene of my first forays into adulthood, and then the comfortable partner of my mid-later twenties. I’ve wanted a break a few times along the way, but most of those years felt comfortable and committed. Now suddenly I find I’ve left for a far away adventure in Africa, uncertain of when (and if?) I’ll return. 

When I drove away with my mom in early October, it didn’t really feel like a proper goodbye. Sure I had a fabulous farewell soirée, I left my job, I moved out of my apt...but I wasn’t immediately jumping into my new life in Nairobi so I don’t think it clicked with my brain. I also think I was only adjusting to a temporary absence, a two year “time-out” while I do the International scene like so many other twenty somethings. But as the months in TX ticked by and especially now as I’m about to leave for Nairobi, I am realizing that I don’t KNOW that I will be moving back. I have no idea what the future holds post-Kenya. I definitely don’t have plans to move somewhere else in the States, and there are very few places I can picture myself living, but as the past year has shown me--I can NEVER be sure of what God has planned for my future. 

Today feels especially strange flying to my long-term home as only a weekend guest. I’m reminded of a song I wrote back in 1999 on the plane to TX when my dramatic and devastated 16 year-old self was flying reluctantly to her new home in TX--”Am I leaving home, or going home? My heart is home, it is with you”. To be fair the “you” may have been the Lord or a certain senior I was madly in like with...but the sentiment remains the same today (albeit without the broken heart). Am I returning to my home in LA? TX is where my family is, but my immediate future and prospects lie halfway across the world in a place I’ve never been. 

My point is that I feel a little uncertain about how to feel towards the city that has been my hoped for or actual home most of my life--am I a visitor? Not really. But I’m not a resident either. Is there a name for what I am now? It’s like we are more than friends, but we aren’t ‘together’ either. I feel a lot of conflicting emotions--I’m sad to leave, but glad to go where I’m going. And how will I feel when I come back the next time, when life has been going on without me. How will we feel about each other in a year or two? Will we recognize each other after all the changes we’re each bound to go through? Will we still be compatible? 

I guess only time will tell, but one thing is certain: LA has made a lifelong impact on my heart and I’ll always be grateful for our time together. Cheers to an amazing visit with my undefined companion, Los Angeles!

LA to Kenya: An Unexpected Turn in the Life of a Work in Progress, Part III

Sorry for the hiatus friends! I'm sure you've been sitting on the edge of your seat with baited breath since you finished reading Part II...OR the only people that read it are my mom and sister so never mind, haha. A combination of work, Christmas, and stomach flu contributed to my long absence. With Christmas a day behind me, I'm suddenly confronted by the reality of how soon I am moving. to. Kenya. Deep breaths. I can feel a physical change around my heart. It's a little bit excitement, a little bit fear. Not the bad kind of fear, like "what have I done???", but the good, inevitable kind. I have NO idea what it will feel like the day I arrive. I already miss my friends in LA so much, and I'm just a few states away. Let's not even talk about what I feel when I contemplate not seeing my niece and nephew for at least 6 months or the scene I will make when I say my goodbyes. Yikes. And why do I have so much to buy? If anyone has a spare $300 REI gift card, feel free to send it my way. :)

Back to the story. The reason I am where I am today, standing on the precipice of known. We pick up the story mid-2009. God had taught me a lot about contentment, and I was starting to really feel and act differently in response. I wanted to be more involved in my church, so I joined a community group. REALLY good decision. Not only did I make some incredible lifelong friends, but the Lord began to do some huge things in my life. And I don't mean just in my heart or mind (although both were definitely affected)--I mean BIG literal changes that would dramatically alter the course I was taking.

The first study I did with my new community group was on the book of Judges, and focused on idolatry. At first I wondered how interesting this would be. I'd read the stories, I new about the judge that stabbed the fat king, etc etc. I also knew that I had idols in my life...not big gold statues, but I knew without a doubt that I had things in my life I put before the Lord. I guess I just felt like it was inevitable. I'm a sinner, I'm selfish, I'm a work in progress. I honestly wanted to destroy those idols. I had tried to break habits, change my heart, I had prayed and hoped for change. I wanted Jesus to be the most important thing in my life theoretically. I've loved Jesus my whole life, I've had ups and downs, growth and draught. But I had grown stale in my mid-twenties. A bit jaded, I had heard the same stories over and over again. I had hoped for chains of sin and cycles of doubt and unbelief to be broken, but some things seemed too big. Too deeply rooted in my sinful nature. But somewhere in the midst of this Bible study, my attitude changed. I wanted to do some changing. I wanted to try to make Jesus first.

Now this part is a bit tricky, and I want to make something absolutely clear (keeping in mind that I am no theologian): I had asked for the Lord to help me change many times before. And he had answered, and done many amazing healing changes in my heart/life/mind. I'm referring to a few specific areas of struggle, and I absolutely, without a doubt think the only difference this time around was that God decided it was time to break those chains. This wasn't about me finally being good enough, or meaning it enough. How can any man or woman, so selfish by nature, ever really want to put the Lord first unless God wills it in us? This was God. His timing. His plan. For some divine reason, this was the right time for conquering. Although I was instantly redeemed and made new at the point of salvation many years ago (under my yellow blanky!), the sanctification process is a lifelong one, and this was the Lord's day of sweet victory over a few specific areas of idolatry. It wasn't an instantaneous victory, it was over a period of about 6 months, and don't get me wrong--although ultimately this was ALL God's strength and conquest, it did take a lot of work, prayer, and trust on my part. I will always struggle with sin, and with putting things before my Lord, but let me assure you---God CAN do miraculous healing. He can break the pattern of sin and addiction. He can free you of burdens that you have carried and tried to lay down time and time again. He did this for me, and I stand as a witness. I have found freedom from several things I thought would have a hold on me for the rest of my life. And they aren't coming back. Praise the Lord. Our God is a God of healing, or redemption, forgiveness, mercy, and deep deep personal love. He is huge, but he can be so close.

I can't claim to understand why God doesn't instantly heal us from all things that we ask him to save us from. But I do know that we should keep asking. That we should try to grow, hope and ask for freedom, and surrender ourselves to his perfect will. I know that God gave me the desire to change, and that it was him, not I, who smashed those idols into oblivion. I also know that those "idols" as I call them, probably wouldn't be a big deal to 99% of the world. I wasn't on drugs, or having an affair, or anything like that. But I was desiring the world more than my Lord. I was seeking my own dreams and desires, instead of what he has deemed for my life right now. I was dulling my mind with empty things, instead of seeking his word and his companionship. And when all of that started to change, OH my how different my life started to be. The joy. The freedom. The new adventure and challenges. I was changed, and hungry for more!

Read Part I and II of this story.

Merry and Bright

What a Christmas! The day was really perfect, especially knowing that I might not be in the country for next year's Christmas. I was definitely appreciating every moment. The kids were delights, the adult company was so fun, the food was yummy and plentiful. We laughed, we cried, we sang, we read, we played, we snacked and we thanked God for sending his Son. Thank you Jesus for being God with Us! 

 Kate Spade: always practical, even when you're moving to Kenya.

 The annual mom's-present-wrapped-as-an-animal tradition. This year: hippo.

 All played out.

 Zoey and I both received Beauty and the Beast on DVD, which meant we had to watch it. 

 Becky's beautiful table, my beautiful macaroni and cheese. 

 Even the dolls were reverent, hands raised and heads bowed. 

 LaLa, do you see my candy cane? 

 I glance away to take Pop's picture. 

 I look back. Where did my candy cane go? He really wasn't sure. 

Found it! But it's stuck. OH no. 

And that was Christmas! Merry Merry Christmas to you.

LA to Kenya: An Unexpected Turn in the Life of a Work in Progress, Part II

Read Part I here.

Disclaimer: This story starts three years ago...I promise it won't be a 9 part series covering every moment of my life since then. Hang in there! :)

In the fall of 2007, I had one of those rare, profound God moments where you know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is speaking to you. In that moment, in the mountains of CA, the Lord asked me if I was willing to come up higher. It was deeply stirring, personal, with the magical quality that comes from a close encounter with the One True God. I was humbled that the Lord would ask me a question, as if I was the one calling any of the shots. My answer to him was yes Lord, I will follow you anywhere. I sensed that whatever he was planning would require major sacrifice, a lot of work, something BIG. I wasn't scared, I was invigorated by the intensity of the experience and ready to start the climb up the proverbial mountain. I was ready to meet him on that higher plane. Oh, bless the heart of that eager, girl!

I'd love to tell you that my life immediately took a turn for the better, that I was flooded with a constant joy and humility, that I sprung away from sin, that I took huge steps forward in my faith. None of those things, friends. What followed was perhaps one of the most difficult, darkest seasons of my life. Adversity in my close relationships. A challenging work environment. A deep loneliness and a barren community. I felt attacked on every side, and I was challenged daily not to fight back with my human anger and pursuit of justice. God was there, and I still felt a closeness to him, but I was taken nearly to my breaking point before things started to improve. In the middle of this I visited my best friend in my favorite place in the world (Scotland!) and had one of the best weeks of my life, only to come back to a city that was breaking my heart. I had finally encountered peace amidst the storm, and the only way I could think of to get back to it was to move to Scotland (logical, haha). Thus began my campaign to make my long time dream come true of living in Scotland, with one of my favorite people in the world. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, move halfway across the world right? So I applied for a graduate school program, and beating the odds, they accepted me (after telling me it would NEVER happen, past the deadline, Americans are dumb, etc etc). I was FLOORED. This was God's plan. My escape. My higher calling. I waited in anticipation for some rich benefactor to send me $50,000, or for some amazing grant, so that God could get busy fixing up my life. Yup. Didn't happen. Not God's plan. Instead he decided to teach me about contentment. It's not a very fun lesson to learn, but I am oh so glad he took me on that journey at the age of 25. It was a long road, one I'm sure I'll be on for the rest of my life.

The past two years have been a continuation in that vein, and they were filled with joy, healed relationships, a bountiful community, a new church that rocked my spiritual life to a new level (more to come on that), and rapid personal growth. I started to understand and put my faith in God's sovereignty, despite the fact that my life wasn't necessarily what I wanted it to look like at every moment. It was a time of blessing, of growth. To an outsider it may have seemed I was simply working and living in the same place, living life day in day out without a lot of change, but God was moving. There was a rich and mighty undercurrent that I myself was only vaguely aware of.

I think ALL of that story is deeply tied to this LA to Kenya story. I truly believe (and it brings me to awed and joyful tears to even think about it) that that night in the fall of 2007, when the Lord challenged me to a new journey, the road he was leading me to was the whisper of Africa that brought me to my knees in March, 2010. I can't wait to tell you the rest of the story!

Isaiah 25:1
"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure."

Psalm 30:11-12
"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever."

LA to Kenya: An Unexpected Turn in the Life of a Work in Progress, Part I

A year ago I was living in LA, contemplating a big move to NYC. I was dreaming of adventure, of new places, a new job, and adding new friends to my community. I felt a stirring to move, not just locations but a movement within. I was about to turn 27 and I'd had the same job and apartment for three years. I'd lived in LA since starting at USC in 2001. Life was very stable, and I mean that in the best of ways. I was thriving, I loved my city, my friends, my church, and I was (for lack of a more sophisticated term) happy. I'd thought about moving at other times since college, but always with the motive of escape and with an undercurrent of discontentment. Thankfully God kept me in the same spot, although at times I wasn't sure what if I was moving forward at all. Ahh hindsight! Now I see that the past three years monumentally affected where I am now, and where I am going.

You most likely know that I'll be moving to Kenya in February, and many of you know a lot of the reasons why and the road I've taken to get where I am right now. Even so, it's been on my heart lately to explain in more depth what has gone on in my heart and in my life this past year, if for no other reason than to bear witness to the insurmountable provision, love and joy that God has poured into me, and a new purpose to which he has called me to. I also know I'll have people join in on the journey at different points, and I wanted a reference point to be able to "catch them up" when they say, you're moving to where??? WHY? I will be the first to say I was not who you might first think of when it comes to work in Africa. :)

But it's happening, and I am thrilled/excited/uncertain/determined/at peace and riled up all at once. Over the next few days I'd like to paint you a picture of this adventure I'm on--past, present, and future. I'm excited to share it with you--it will be a personal and in depth journey as fair warning, and it's bound to include no less than 3 major life analogies, at least one Lexi motto, and perhaps a reference to a unicorn or narwhal. Would you expect any less?

Psalm 18:28-33

"For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness. For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God--his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?--the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights."